I don't watch television. Oh I do own plenty of DVDs that I love to watch on my surround-sound system. But I don't watch "TV". Though I'm aware enough of television to know that American Idol has become a whole phenomenon in itself. I first caught scenes from it years ago when I was in a sub shop, waiting for my order. It was playing on the television there. I watched enough to get an idea of what it was all about.
On top of this, I've been doing karaoke about once or twice a week for a few years. I could go into reasons why I enjoy it so much more than playing in a band (and I've been playing in bands for over 20 years), but that's a rant for another blog. But I'll get back to karaoke in a moment.
A few months ago I stumbled across The Worst of American Idol, a DVD highlighting some of the more horrible acts. Well worth picking up! I was expecting to laugh a lot, and stare with my jaw dropped in disbelief, and that's what I got. Best $3.99 I ever remember spending in the past year.
Some of the contestants were actually not bottom-of-the-barrel horrible, but it was clear that they didn't have what it would take to be a regular on the TV show. A lot of them, ironically, try too hard. There's a voice underneath, but they add way too much tremolo (fast fluctuations in volume), stretch their range to where it just doesn't sound good to listen to, or in some cases just improvise completely different melodies:
Others were so incredibly bad that you had to wonder (and the judges would sometimes even ask) WHY they even bothered to audition. What on earth made them think they had a shot?
And this brings me back to karaoke. At a karaoke bar, the expectation is already low. Nobody is really expecting decent singing. And even if you sing horribly, you can still get applause if you pick a song that everybody there loves, or you just bring a lot of friends to the bar. I would not be surprised if the far majority of people trying out for American Idol were people that got a good response from a drunken karaoke crowd before, and had never even taken a single singing lesson in their life. It would be like somebody playing a baseball video game on their X-Box, then trying out for the minor leagues. Heck, they probably never even bothered to make and listen to a recording of themselves.
What's funny though is how sad or angry some of these people get when they lose. Some just bawl their eyes out. Others make idol idle threats. "Simon's a DICK!" is a motto you hear from most fans of the show and of course from any failed contestants. And it's true. He's a very harsh judge, and it would be an understatement to say that he doesn't sugar-coat his criticism. He tells several different people on this DVD that he or she is "One of the worst singers I've EVER heard." But SOMEBODY was going to tell them this sooner or later. What I find mind-boggling is that an American Idol audition is their first time hearing real criticism.
Speaking as a singer myself, I'd actually WANT Simon Cowell to hear me and criticize me. Why? Because I want to get better. And if there's one person who can point out my precise flaws, it's him. But despite the encouraging words from my friends and the folks at the karaoke bar, I ain't auditioning any time soon!
Anyway, there are plenty more where these came from. Doing a search on YouTube for just the words "The worst of", automatically brings up "...american idol" at the top of the search results.