Yes, I'm still here. I haven't forgotten about the blog. So far, this is the longest I've gone without updating. Oh well, some people skip months at a time, let alone one week.
Time for another edition of "Why Do I Still Have this?"! A quick search in the linen closet brings up these.
- 5 old pairs of glasses. Actually I only found 4 in the closet (pictured above) but then I remembered a 5th pair I had somewhere in my living room. This makes me wonder if in fact I own every single pair of glasses I've ever been prescribed. I wouldn't be surprised if I have one or two more old pairs lying around.
And yes, these are "old" pairs. For those of you lucky enough to not have a vision impairment and don't know how this works: eye conditions and eyesight tend to change over time for a variety of reasons, which means glasses tend to need to change over time for a variety of reasons. In short, if I try on these glasses in place of my present pair, I will not be able to "see" correctly. So as much as these might have cost in their day, they're of no use to me now.
What do I do from here? Throw them in the trash? Pop out the lenses and make a really bad telescope? Actually, as I think I've mentioned before, many eyeglass vendors or "vision centers" (euphemism for "optometrist with lots of frames to choose from") have bins where you can donate used glasses. They're given to the homeless or people in 3rd world countries. And to think, little 10 year-old Ndofonsu in the wilds of Zaire has been going blind this whole time, all because I didn't clean out my closet sooner!
- More plastic bags. Sure, we all have too many plastic bags that we keep. But these aren't even from the shelf where I DO keep my extra plastic bags. That's pretty bad. Begone, ye extra bags o' plastique!
- Extra padlock screws. I already screwed it in years ago. It's still working fine. Why do I have these in the package? Another "just-in-case" justification. Out you go.
- Psychic Soap. No, this isn't soap that can read your mind, however great that would be. And it's not something that skeptic James Randi used to wash his hands of Sylvia Browne. This is an herbal new-age soap that claims to help focus certain metaphysical properties. In this case, something to do with psychic awareness. Or maybe it's just a fancy new-age herbal soap whose fragrance was given the name "psychic". So how did I end up with it? Well truth be told, I am a professional Tarot card reader out of Salem, MA. I've had my hand in the occult scene in one form or another for 20 years. And the longer you stay around, the more you pick up these weird things. I'll probably throw it on an eBay auction with a lot of other new-age stuff I've collected.
- Expired condoms. Do I have to explain this one? No, but I do feel like I have to justify it anyway. These aren't the result of a stale sex life. Honestly, it's just the opposite. You see, free condoms are everywhere, and when you go to some sex lecture, fetish vendor, bar, etc. they give these things away. But just any other product where they give away free samples, chances are you've already settled on your own brand that you like more than the others, and tend to stay with that. So these freebies remain accumulated and unused. By the way, I tried using the "female condom" with a partner once, and it was ridiculous. It was like wearing a shower cap on the wrong "head". Even though the female condom didn't have an expiration date, I didn't care. Time to toss the bastards.